I feel it everyday, even when I wake and I don’t see her. The inner feeling of being lost, of being alone surrounded by other people. It breaks you down slowly, but surely and all you can do is keep going, because you can’t give up. You need to work towards something better than yourself and that is what I am doing.
In moments where you feel it most you search for comfort, I’ve been incredibly lucky that she has given just that despite the situation we find ourselves in. I can depend on her without sacrificing a part of myself. However, the feeling of hopelessness still gets to me, that feeling sometimes reinforced by the people I love.
But she never made me feel that way. She gave me inspiration in the way she kept pushing forward, working towards me. She has given me more than anyone has ever considered giving someone they love. The deepest desire I feel beyond holding her is to reply in turn and give her my life. I know that giving it would only benefit me as well as her.
If I could, I would rip my heart from my chest and give it to her. The one thing that keeps me going would be safest in her hands. In her I trust my life, so I keep pushing forward. Pushing towards that goal we have for ourselves to be in each other’s company once more. To not feel that unique pain of having someone to love, but not being able to see them most of the time, not being able to hear them most of the time.
An inescapable pain when we realize that the distance between us takes time to cross, but we cross it happily. The time we devote towards closing the divide it time that is well spent, truly. Time spent working towards this love is one thing more worthwhile than any lofty goal in this world.
In the time when we can speak, we spend it reinforcing what we are together to give us the energy for the next day. Where would we be without time like that? Still going, but with more empty hearts, begging, pleading to me be made whole again. It will only make that reunion more powerful, cause there was no way we would stop.
Of all the ambitions in this world that one has in their mind, none can compare. Pain is inflicted in many strange ways, such as looking at an empty space that could be filled with them, a smell that is missing from the clothing you wear, a missing hand that warmed yours. Now everything is cold.
There is a price we pay for our efforts in reaching each other. It is a price that is heavy, but one that will be reimbursed once together. We have to destroy ourselves, forsake our health and wealth for something more important. Something that is more needed than sleep and food. The damage is unavoidable and noticed by all around you. However, it is damaged that will be repaired in an instant with a kiss.
In the moments we can have this grace, this prize, this treasure of being with each other, we could not be happier. Even in the lowest moments we are happier that we have ever been. The heartbreaking realization that we spent most of our lives without each other is truly felt, but we thank whatever forces in this world that we cross paths. We count ourselves the luckiest in the world that we had a chance to find each other, a chance to spend time with each other.
Now, crossing this divide only requires time. Time on its own will degrade who you are. Age will shape the way you look and feel in the morning, but it is barely noticed anymore. Time on its own inflicts so little that we cannot pay it much mind when we have this gift. Time will never play a hand bigger than ours, so it folds, adding to our reward, but never take its own.
With past and present covered, it all comes down to the future. No future is as carefully planned as ours. Our dreams with each other are discussed in length, the details of which are clear in mind and set out before us. Nothing is written in stone, nothing important anyway, because what we plan is guaranteed.
We are our strongest selves when together and it only takes one person with this strength to make a splash. One person like this to determine their bright future, one person to live a lonely life in the lap of luxury, but we are not one person.
We are independent as adults, be dependent as human beings. Needing each other is different from needing air, to breathe like we used to. It is a need that everyone feels, but it is a hunger not easily sated, a thirst easily quenched. It is a way of existing with each other, a clause that needs to be filled in order to smile and be merry.
Rest easy now. Challenges that the future holds for us could not stand as intimidating as the one we now face. The challenge before is pain in its most crippling form and we face it each day. Limbs are nothing without the heart and hurt to move them, but a heart is nothing without another. With that we are strong enough, with that we are ready for another day and with that we fall asleep in separate worlds.
The last words we say are to each other before close our eyes. Sleep so inviting, but so elusive with the dark cloud, heavy with fears, hanging above our head. A cloud we ignore as best we can as we push forward once more. Regaining our energy, building on our bond constantly, preparing for the next day, ready to meet it with force it never expects.
This is a love I never thought existed, not the love I heard in fairy tales and songs, but a love that I need. An unbreakable love between broken people.
Be sure to follow!