The Suits

“I’m sorry, but there is nothing that can be done,” the lawyer told me. “ The contract is binding and just vague enough to allow them to do this, but clear enough to say you can’t fight back.”

“What will I do?” the client wept. “They will take everything!”

​“Well, I guess you will do nothing, now please leave, I have other clients and you cannot afford this session going into a second one.”

“But, you must-” the client began, but was then collected by security at the office doors and dragged out.

Once she was out of range the lawyer pressed a button on his phone calling the secretary, just outside his office.

“Barbara,” he began.

“I know what you’re going to ask and the answer is still ‘no’,” She told him.

“Who is next on the schedule?”

“No Wong, apparently there was a mishap in his ‘legal dispute with his wife’.”

“Oh...I thought I had you there for a moment.”

“I choose my words carefully.”

With that, No Wong was buzzed and he entered the office with a stern demeanour.

“Ah, No Wong,” the lawyer murmured, standing up to shake his hand. “How are things?”

“Everything is wong,” he replied angrily.

“Except your wife.”

The lawyer laughed at his own joke, but Wong didn’t see the humour in it.

“Okay, Mr Wong, you and I went through the contract,” the lawyer reminded him. “What is the problem? Is the amount still a problem?”

“No, that isn’t what is wong, what is wong is the children.”

“The children are wong?”

“Of course, they are my children!”

With that the two stared at each other in silence, before bursting out laughing.

“Well, that has to be the best wong yet,” the lawyer told him.

“Thank you, I worked on it all the way here,” Mr Wong replied. “But I don’t think it can compare to my parents who decided my first name.”

“That is golden. Now, what is it you want to discuss?”

“That is it, thank you.”

With that Mr Wong shook my hand once more and left the office with a cheery smile. Barbara watched Mr Wong leave surprised at what she had just seen and buzzed the lawyer.

“That was quick, what was the problem?” Barbara asked the lawyer who eased himself into his chair once more.

“Well, Barb, you know what I say,” he began casually. “Nothing is so wong that it can’t be fixed.”

“...I hope you two didn’t just use a one hour session making puns,” Barbara muttered.

“Of course not. Anyone waiting out there?”

“Your three o’clock,” Barbara replied, checking the waiting room. “Shall I send him in now?”

“Why not? We just finish early today,” the lawyer replied.

The lawyer straightened himself up and stood up behind his desk. As he did his jacket got caught on the draw flipping the table. As quick as a flash he grabbed the edge and pulled it back, but momentum played a part as gravity and several files began to slide towards the edge.

By the time the next client had entered all he saw was hands as the lawyer caught every file and pulled them back onto the desk. A wonderful mess avoided and first impression made, the client stepped forward with hand raised.

“Ah, Mr Jackson,” the lawyer greeted, taking the hand and shaking it. It was cold and the lawyer could feel his blood freezing in his hand. Taking it back as soon as the man let go he placed it beneath his thigh when he sat down. “How are you doing today?”

“Not so well,” he told the lawyer with beady, dead eyes. He sat down in the opposite chair and the lawyer wondered why his eyes were darting towards every corner.

“Right, well, maybe I can help with that,” the lawyer replied, forcing his charisma. “What seems to be the problem?”

“I am having trouble getting out of a contract and was wondering if you could review it,” the client replied handing the lawyer a small ream of paper.

“Well, I can certainly take a look at it and give you my opinion,” the lawyer murmured as he began scanning the paragraphs. “Basic clauses, benefits of all kinds, considerably large pay...all seems to be pretty simple, but...uh...wait…”

The lawyer read the contract a little more closely and his eyes widened.

“You’re an...assassin?” the lawyer asked.

“Professionally, yes,” the client replied.

“This is a contract to have someone killed?” the lawyer asked.

“It is, but it was a contract I failed to read in sense of...who needs to be killed,” the client replied. “As it turned out, I took my own bounty and now I have to kill myself.”

“What? You can’t be serious.”

“I am serious, sir, is there a way I can get out of this contract?”

“Well, first...uh...this institution you work for, is it legal?” the lawyer asked.

“Yes, I am the owner, I signed the permits myself,” the client nodded.

“Wait, if you own the place, why did you issue the contract on your head?”

“Well, I have a considerable amount on my head for all the jobs I’ve completed, so I thought it would be interesting to add myself to the system. Unfortunately, I ended up printing the contract and mistakenly took, only seeing the number and not the name.”

“Oh, in that case, you have the power to cancel the contract, you will need to sign some of these…” the lawyer replied gathering all the necessary documents. “How...how is it working as a hitman?”

“A little tiring,” Mr Jackson replied. “Especially with running the chinese take-away in the same building.”

“You’re in the food industry too? What is the place called?”

“No Wong Doings Here.”

The lawyer looked up at his client.

“No…”

A smile spread across Mr Jackson’s face and No Wong poked his head through the day with a huge grin.

Barbara held her head in her hands trying her best to ignore the laughter coming from her boss’s office.